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I Want To Be A Motorcycle Mama

  • Posted on February 25, 2013 at 12:00 am

face-66317_640If you had the chance to act out a fantasy for a week, would you do it? I’ve got that chance and I want to take advantage of it—to spend a week pretending I’m someone else—to go from the fifty-something, divorced, suburban woman who defines me on the outside to the biker chick, motorcycle mama, badass babe I know I am on the inside (well . . . somewhere on the inside). I have a chance to act out the role of “old lady” to the President of a well-established motorcycle club in California (who, me?), the kind of club like the one on Sons of Anarchy. 

I’ve always had a thing for motorcycles (but please don’t tell my mother). And I used to have a thing for this particular Biker Prez—but that was thirty years ago, way before he started hanging out with bikers, before I moved back to the East Coast from L.A. where I met him, before I married a man who never rode a motorcycle and who I raised two kids with before divorcing after twenty years. 

I reconnected with my old flame from California last year and have plans to fly out to visit him at the end of April.

There’s always been a bit of biker girl in me, and now, in my fifties, I’m going to let her out. The only problem is my body. I’ve got two months to lose those extra pounds I put on over the holidays (you know, the ones that come in handy every year as an excuse for gaining weight).  

I know myself—if I’m not comfortable with my body, this fantasy won’t work. I mean, part of being a biker chick is dressing the part, right? Short skirts, tight jeans, little tank tops that show lots of cleavage and arms (my triceps need toning!). Everything skimpy, tight and sexy. Even a little sleazy. Everything black. 

I’ll need a new wardrobe. And a new body.